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Monday, October 10, 2011

Once Upon a Time....

Once upon a time, there was a young girl with blue eyes, blonde hair, a pretty smile and a dazzling personality.  (Cue the music...)  She had many friends, was very involved in activities, and was well liked - overall.  But all she could see when she looked in the mirror was a chubby girl. She spent years and years being chubby, but imagining a different life for herself.  A life that included little, butt hugging blue jeans, thin and toned upper arms, a flat tummy...  She tried and tried over the years to fix her chub problem.  She had a lot of success, even!  But it was never lasting success.  Inevitably, the chub would return and she would find herself miserable once again.  So many times she has fantasized what it would be like to be forever fit.  And every time she mustered the courage and determination to go at it again, she had that fear in the back of her mind that this too, would fail in the end.  And she was right, time and time again.

That girl is named Molly and she is about to celebrate her 40th birthday.  That girl is me.

So here I am... fat as ever!  Which is just nuts because about 18 months ago I joined weight watchers and lost 30 pounds in 6 months.  I kept it off for another 5... and then POW!  It was all back!  HOW does that happen?  I look in the mirror and I throw up a little in my mouth!  I just KNOW there is a skinny girl in there somewhere!  But in 40 years, I've been unable to find her.

My mom, who also struggles with her weight, recently introduced me to Tosca Reno (via her books!).  Now, please know that "clean eating" is not an entirely new concept to me or my mom.  We've dipped our toes in that lake before - but never really got soaked.  And I can give you a list of reasons why it hasn't worked for me and why I haven't fully embraced clean eating up to this point:

* I couldn't imagine eating like a rabbit forever.  (And it would have to be forever to really reap the benefits.)

* I REALLY like food!  I hear over and over how overweight people are emotional eaters. There is always an emotional reason why we eat.  I disagree.  I really believe I just love food.  I love food that is BAD for me!  Creamy, buttery, salty... yum!!

* Eating clean is EXPENSIVE!  And my budget is small!

* Eating clean requires planning... and knowledge!

* Social situations would be impossible!!

* Pretty sure my husband and children would only embrace bits & pieces of it.

...just to name a few!

But here's the thing.  I am, most likely, 1/2 way through my life.  The first half has sucked in terms of health and body happiness.  My "chub situation" colors every part of my life negatively, and has since I was a young child.  I totally obsess about my body and feel bad about myself all the time!  I have no interest in living the next 40 years that way.  What I've been doing simply has not worked. So I must make a change.  A drastic change.  A change that will be so phenomenal that I'll never be able to return to my former fat life.
I believe that is what clean eating promises.  A change so monumental that I would never even consider going back to consuming crap.

So my 40th year becomes the start of a quest.  A quest for a new, healthier, leaner me!  The goal is to give one full year to this mission.  100% effort!  I know that a key to my success will be knowledge.  I bet if I really understood the damage happening inside my body as a result of my poor lifestyle and eating choices, I'd be better motivated to stay the course.  Also, I need to learn how to cook a variety of whole foods so that there is still some fun and joy attached to eating.  Maybe some cooking classes at the local health food store... :)

So... Why Blog?  I truly don't expect even one person to follow this blog.  I don't know very much (yet) and have little to offer the clean eating seeker.  I'm doing this for me.  I think it will be a great accountability measure, as well as a great read next fall when I turn 41 and have successfully completed my quest!

PS.. I'm scared!!

1 comment:

  1. Well, when you make up your mind, you do it in a big way. I am also on a quest and will be here to support you for the next year. By then, I won't be able to recognize you, so please stop and say hello if you see me out and about!