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Friday, October 14, 2011

First Restaurant Challenge!

It's Friday night - and a local eatery was calling out to Ryan.  So off we went!  It was so much easier than I thought - this time!  I'm well aware that it could get harder, though I truly hope not!  I had water, of course!  The family ordered a rich, creamy, spinach dip with chips.  One of my favorites!  (How nice of them.)  I managed to avoid any tastes!  I ordered grilled salmon with steamed green beans and rice.  The salmon was amazing, which is a shocking statement for me because I hate fish!  But it was really great!  I ended up not eating the rice, as it was white and I didn't know how it was cooked.  Didn't matter, because the fish was more than filling!  On the way home from the restaurant I stopped at meijer and picked up a few things for a smoothie recipe in Tosca's book.  It requires coconut oil, which Ididn't have.  It is pressed, though - the consistency of crisco.  Not sure how to make that work in a smoothie...??

And now, I'm sipping a cup of camomile tea in my jammies, with the Walton's on TV.   So far, so good.
We (my mom and me) leave for Mackinac Island in two days and will be gone for 3.  We'll be packing a cooler!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Trip to the Natural Food Store

I finally managed to get myself over to the Natural Food Store today.  It was a little bit intimidating, as there were isles and isles of mystery foods.  But I had a small list of essentials that I'd read about and wanted to grab.  Among them were  steel cut oats, flax seed, wheat germ, Ezekiel Bread and wraps, almond butter, Quinoa, and even bee pollen.  The staff were very helpful!  They didn't even laugh when I asked what one does with bee pollen.  At the check out, I mentioned to the young, tiny girl that I was a new customer and wasn't entirely sure what I was doing!  She replied "Well, it looks like you've figured out what to do with Quinoa!  Good for you!"  I told her I had NO IDEA what to do with it, but that the book I was reading mentioned it many times, so I figured I should grab some and figure out later what to do with it!  So she gave me some pointers.  Apparently it's a lot like couscous.  I love couscous!  She said to cook it in water and then add things like garbanzo beans and onion... to make type of salad.  Yum!  That sounds easy.
After leaving there, I went to meijer and spent some time in the produce section, and other "perimeter" departments.  I loaded up on green leafy things.  (Honestly never had kale before!)  Fresh fruits, chicken breast, cottage cheese, kefir, etc...
I'm sure when I unloaded my haul into the fridge I'm sure my husband was thinking "Oh Good!  More food to throw away next week when it turns rotten because she didn't eat it!".  But he didn't say it... :)  Smart man!  I cooked up 5 very large chicken breasts; cut them each in half and then cut each half into slices.  I stuck them in baggies and popped them in the freezer for quick, on the go meals.  (That's 10 servings, by the way!) 

My day ended by dragging my lean, athletic daughter into my bedroom to take fat pictures of me.  How mortifying!  It's not that she hasn't seen me in my bra and panties before... but this was different, somehow.  She took a front, side and back view.  Though I look in the mirror every single day and observe this mess of a body, I was truly horrified by what I saw!  There is JUST NO EXCUSE!  The worse was the back shot.  Holy Back Fat!!  Well, these certainly aren't photos that I'll be publishing anytime soon - but once I reach the end of my quest (on my 41st birthday) I will proudly post them beside the photos of my lean, sexy new bod!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Holy Detox!!

I guess I'm doing something right because I have had a kickin' headache for 2 days and my body is achy!  But I'm not sick.... it's those lousy toxins escaping my body.  Good rid-dins!!  Go away and don't ever return!

I put on my big girl panties today (literally!  HA!) and told my friends about "The QUEST".  I was nervous and a little embarrassed about doing this, because it's huge - and I've crashed and burned before!  But I decided that if no one knows, it'll be too easy to quit when the going gets tough.  But NOW... they know!  And they are very good friends!  They will not let me wimp out!  I love my friends!!! :)

I took my measurements today.  It was pathetic!  All I had was the little 30 inch measuring tape that came with my sewing kit.  Guess how many of my measurements I was able to take with that puny thing?  Not many!  Instead, I used a long ribbon to measure all of my chubby parts and then I measured the ribbon.  So sad.  My saddlebags are HUGE, by the way!  But I have a strong suspicion that my little 30 incher will be quite sufficient when I measure one year from now!

I was thinking today about commitment.  I was wondering how many people truly set a goal like this and actually stick to it - long term.  And then, this evening as I was driving my child to basketball practice, I spotted an old co-worker of mine running with her sister.  And I immediately remember how she started running, about 6 years ago.  She had NEVER been a runner, but her daughter was a star runner on our high school track team.  I'm not sure why, but she made a commitment to run every single day without fail.  She told me that even if she has the flu and is puking, she'll run at least 1 mile.  We were doing a project at school one weekend and did not leave the building until after midnight.  She went home and ran one mile.  In the dark.  Alone. At 1:00am.  She ran (hobbled) through minor injuries.. and kept her commitment.  Period.  A few years ago she ran a marathon.  I think several since then.  And tonight I saw her, still running.  Still committed.  I find that amazing!  I don't know if she's broken the streak or not, but I remember when she hit her 2 year mark of not missing a single day of running.  That was 4 years ago.  WOW!

I've read a lot of success stories over the years... on line, and in magazines and books.  And I believe them all, though I do not know them personally.  This committed runner I KNOW!  And her commitment inspires me!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Once Upon a Time....

Once upon a time, there was a young girl with blue eyes, blonde hair, a pretty smile and a dazzling personality.  (Cue the music...)  She had many friends, was very involved in activities, and was well liked - overall.  But all she could see when she looked in the mirror was a chubby girl. She spent years and years being chubby, but imagining a different life for herself.  A life that included little, butt hugging blue jeans, thin and toned upper arms, a flat tummy...  She tried and tried over the years to fix her chub problem.  She had a lot of success, even!  But it was never lasting success.  Inevitably, the chub would return and she would find herself miserable once again.  So many times she has fantasized what it would be like to be forever fit.  And every time she mustered the courage and determination to go at it again, she had that fear in the back of her mind that this too, would fail in the end.  And she was right, time and time again.

That girl is named Molly and she is about to celebrate her 40th birthday.  That girl is me.

So here I am... fat as ever!  Which is just nuts because about 18 months ago I joined weight watchers and lost 30 pounds in 6 months.  I kept it off for another 5... and then POW!  It was all back!  HOW does that happen?  I look in the mirror and I throw up a little in my mouth!  I just KNOW there is a skinny girl in there somewhere!  But in 40 years, I've been unable to find her.

My mom, who also struggles with her weight, recently introduced me to Tosca Reno (via her books!).  Now, please know that "clean eating" is not an entirely new concept to me or my mom.  We've dipped our toes in that lake before - but never really got soaked.  And I can give you a list of reasons why it hasn't worked for me and why I haven't fully embraced clean eating up to this point:

* I couldn't imagine eating like a rabbit forever.  (And it would have to be forever to really reap the benefits.)

* I REALLY like food!  I hear over and over how overweight people are emotional eaters. There is always an emotional reason why we eat.  I disagree.  I really believe I just love food.  I love food that is BAD for me!  Creamy, buttery, salty... yum!!

* Eating clean is EXPENSIVE!  And my budget is small!

* Eating clean requires planning... and knowledge!

* Social situations would be impossible!!

* Pretty sure my husband and children would only embrace bits & pieces of it.

...just to name a few!

But here's the thing.  I am, most likely, 1/2 way through my life.  The first half has sucked in terms of health and body happiness.  My "chub situation" colors every part of my life negatively, and has since I was a young child.  I totally obsess about my body and feel bad about myself all the time!  I have no interest in living the next 40 years that way.  What I've been doing simply has not worked. So I must make a change.  A drastic change.  A change that will be so phenomenal that I'll never be able to return to my former fat life.
I believe that is what clean eating promises.  A change so monumental that I would never even consider going back to consuming crap.

So my 40th year becomes the start of a quest.  A quest for a new, healthier, leaner me!  The goal is to give one full year to this mission.  100% effort!  I know that a key to my success will be knowledge.  I bet if I really understood the damage happening inside my body as a result of my poor lifestyle and eating choices, I'd be better motivated to stay the course.  Also, I need to learn how to cook a variety of whole foods so that there is still some fun and joy attached to eating.  Maybe some cooking classes at the local health food store... :)

So... Why Blog?  I truly don't expect even one person to follow this blog.  I don't know very much (yet) and have little to offer the clean eating seeker.  I'm doing this for me.  I think it will be a great accountability measure, as well as a great read next fall when I turn 41 and have successfully completed my quest!

PS.. I'm scared!!